Tuesday

I'm not really sure what the next step forward should be. I've been thinking about it a lot in the last couple of days. I think what I'll be doing is writing. I want ideas, so I should make them. I complain a lot about not knowing where to start or how to write, but I don't actually sit down and try it. I just talk about it. so I'm going to see if I can just come up with plausible ideas to start with, and then (here's the crucial part) actually deliver on making them into something.

I think I might take a couple of steps backwards art-wise and do more scribbly stuff until things feel a little better. a little easier. I want to make something worthwhile, and the more I read things by different comic artists and editors, the more I realize nothing is going to just snap into place to motivate me, and that people are out there doing what I want to do on their own motivation.

And here's the final thing: what DO I want to do? how do I pursue it if I don't know even that? how do I seek advice on how to move forward if I can't answer that for people? I've been sitting around with my little dollop of talent waiting for some kind of "opportunity" to pick me up and bring me somewhere great, but honestly, that's not how it works.

I'm interested in comics and animation, and maybe even video game art. that's pretty broad. you all know how I want to do it all and try everything. however, it seems like I'm stuck doing the same one-scene things every day, or just doodling. I don't draw any comics or make anything animated, do I? I don't make finished, polished, coloured drawings, either.

What brought on this rant is reading a manga called "Bakuman" about two boys who want to become big names in the manga world in Japan. You can just feel their intensity and excitement and anguish... and that's how it should be, right? sigh.